8:12:30 PM Thu, March 11th 2010
Home >
Politics

'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Policy To Change Name To: 'Too Gay To Fail' - "We're trying to keep it current."

E-mail Print


Annapolis, Maryland - As lawmakers on the Hill come to terms with allowing openly gay and lesbian men and women to serve in the armed forces, one woman has a solution. Mariam L. Switcher is the Should We Let Gay Men/Lesbian Women Serve in the Armed Services, Why Not? Czar for the Obama Administration. "If nothing else, we need to change the name, everybody's talking about the bank bail outs and the stimulus package." Switcher wants this issue tied in with the finanical crisis because it is just as important. "Nothing would change except the name, but that can be just as important. We don't use the term 'handicapped' anymore, but refer to them as 'physically challenged'. It makes 'em feel good even though they're still a nuisance."

 

Read more...
 

Joe Biden Sneaks Past Security, Crashes State Dinner

E-mail Print


WASHINGTON, D.C. – Much to the chagrin of the Secret Service, Vice President Joe Biden breached a security checkpoint and attended the administration’s first official State dinner at the White House last week. Despite strict orders not to allow Biden into the event, officials released pictures which clearly show the Vice President embarrassing himself and others during the dinner honoring Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.

 

Read more...
 

Six Year-Old Crawls Inside Meghan McCain, Floats Away

E-mail Print


The nation was transfixed yesterday when Meghan McCain came untethered and floated into the atmosphere with what many believed was a six year-old boy huddled in the crawlspace between her giant bosoms. Millions watched on television as the blogger reached speeds of thirty miles an hour and a height of several thousand feet, aided by the hot air from her incessant chatter and her humungous, helium-filled breasts.

 

Read more...
 

Tough Questions Await New Mass. Senator

E-mail Print


Wearing a muted blue suit and his trademark pacemaker, Paul Grattan Kirk made his first appearance today as Senator-designee from Massachusetts. The 71-year-old lawmaker pledged to fill out the late Sen. Edward Kennedy's term with "dignity, honor, and a little bit of the old Hyannisport razzle dazzle."  After a stunning tap dance display, he fielded questions about his middle name from reporters ("does it rhyme with "Rattan," like the wooden chair?" or "does it mean 'with cheese' in some other language?").

 

Read more...
 

Senators Closer To Health Care Package

E-mail Print


Senate negotiations are moving towards agreements on a health-care package that seeks middle ground on some of ths most troublesome issues facing Congress. However, it has become clearer every day that the biggest battles are still to come. The emerging bill, if passed as currently stated, would include a bar of soap, ten band-aids, a small bottle of aspirin, a flashlight, gauze, and a very sharp pair of scissors. Senate Republicans are still fighting the inclusion of toothbrush and toothpaste, and some Democrats who wish to remain anonymous have said in the past week that dental floss is now "out of the question."

 

 

Read more...
 
  • «
  •  Start 
  •  Prev 
  •  1 
  •  2 
  •  3 
  •  Next 
  •  End 
  • »


Page 1 of 3

- Latest News -

Kanye West, "I Guess God Hates Poor, Black People, Especially Ones That Try An' Speak French."

Los Angeles - As the world stumbles to come to the aid of earthquake victims in Haiti, the poorest island nation in the western hemisphere, self-proclaimed music prodigy Kanye West has tried to put it...

God Schedules Next Humanitarian Crisis for Week of Academy Awards

Heaven – The Almighty issued a press release today revealing His next inexplicable human tragedy would occur a few days prior to this year’s Oscar telecast to take advantage of Hollywood’s star ...

Ted Nugent Promotes Additions to Hunter’s Safety Orange

Waco, Texas - A group of disaffected hunters led by legendary rock star and renowned animal slayer Ted Nugent are urging officials to allow sportsmen to add a little pizzazz to their yearly ensembles ...

Man Questions Own Morality After Violating Five Second Rule

Reno, Nevada - A local man is finding it extremely difficult to live with himself lately, after willingly picking up some pizza toppings off the floor and eating them even though the cheese and meat c...

Joe Biden Sneaks Past Security, Crashes State Dinner

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Much to the chagrin of the Secret Service, Vice President Joe Biden breached a security checkpoint and attended the administration’s first official State dinner at the White Hou...

- Follow Us! -

del.icio.us Facebook Friendster MySpace Tumblr Twitter YouTube