The Bunyon - Satire News

Washington, D.C. - I got a feeling…that the recession is over.  In June of 2009, Congress passed a controversial bill allowing the Black Eyed Peas to dominate the pop charts in hopes of stimulating the sluggish world economy. In what some experts call a “deal with the devil”, the Black Eyed Peas song, “I Got A Feeling” shot straight to the top of the billboard charts with the aid of the U.S. government.  The same day that the song hit number one, the Dow Jones Industrial Average broke 10000 points for the first time since October of last year.   
The catchy tune boasts lyrics such as “I got my money, let’s spend it up” and “I know that we’ll have a ball if we get down
 and go out
 and just loose it all.”  After these words were repeated 1000 times a day over and over again week after week on every fucking radio station in the country, people started to listen.

“I’m glad somebody finally figured something out,” said Senator Max Baucus, chairman of the Senate Finance Committee. “I was totally ready to give up and start drywalling again.  Now I just feel like jumping around on the couch and buying drinks.  It’s an amazing feeling.  Mazel tov!”  

The Black Eyed Peas were chosen to fix the economy not only because of their annoyingly repetitive, chant-like song stylings but also of course because of their willingness to go along with anything that makes them money.  “I’d suck a dead dogs dick for a bag of coke,” said “Fergie”, lead “singer” of the “band”.

"As long as we get more coke, I don’t give a fuck what you do with our music,” she added.

A few suicides have been reported due to overexposure to the Black Eyed Peas song but economists are seeing this as a small price to pay for the results they are seeing.  “All those people who killed themselves are so 2000 and late while I’m all 3000 and eight.  They just need to get that Boom Boom Boom.  Ya’ll know what I’m sayin?” asked Lawrence Yun, chief economist at the National Association of Realtors.   

Despite the backlash of what critics are calling the Ferganomics bill, the Dow rises higher and higher each day and the Black Eyed Peas do more and more coke.  But using pop music as a way to stimulate economic growth is no new feat.  On the contrary, Economists have been using pop music to sway the economy for decades; from Devo’s “Whip-it” to the Beatles “Taxman” to “She Works Hard For the Money” by Donna Summer.  

“It’s a hell of a lot easier than writing a bunch of stupid bills to write into a bunch of gay ass laws,” Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said. “A year ago the economy was fucked but now lady liberty never had such a fine ass.  I take one look at those lady lumps and damn…she got me spendin’.”